I have participated in same behavior but in the tech industry. I joined my managers at strip clubs for lunches, I introduced fresh grads and H1Bs to endless buffets at strip clubs. Happy hour were pretty much required work activity everyday.
But I never thought it was bad, I mean strip clubs are sleazy, but I always considered happy hours to be part of team bonding. The best teams, I have worked in, also drank heavily.
Not sure if it is age or if it is because I don't go to happy hours that much anymore but I also don't have a strong bond for my team.
But I sort of feel bad for all those reluctant H1Bs who I introduced to strip clubs. I wonder if they really enjoyed hanging out with us or if they were pretending.
Well if you end up in a toxic workplace there are limits to what you can do as ''the new one'', and unfortunatly you often have to follow along if you don't want to loose your job.
In my view there are two ways to understand this problem.
1) As a feminist issue. And it is, since no women will feel good in this kind of workplace where strip clubs are the norm. On the long run its counterproductive for society to allow these behaviours at the workplace.
2) As a creativity issue. Even in a hypothetical where women/minorities don't exist, these behaviours would still be an issue from a business point of view. The ''sport team mentality'' kills intellectual creativity. Try to sell these guys an idea which is alien to their monkey-culture... impossible. While working in these environments, I think I've read up to 10 books about ''how to pitch your idea'', not understanding what was wrong. True creativity is impossible in these circles, and their business usually fails at some point. It happened two times in my life, and I'm not 35 yet.
Getting in touch with your subconscious is like loosing your virginity ; it wont happen if you alway group with similar peers.
Lockdown gave me opportunity to connect and reconnect with a lot more people than ever before. I am married and naturally introvert. But I felt I have never been this social before.
Of course, it started with work happy hours over Zoom, then I started organizing happy hours with my friends. Then proceeded to have happy hours with old friends around the world who I would have never thought about reconnecting. Of course, some of happy hours were just dinners, some were with wife's friends. Strangely, my wife who considers herself extrovert didn't really enjoy virtual gatherings and she been having very rough time. I wish I could help her but she just wants to meet people in person. And yes I spend a lot of time with her, watching Netflix etc. But pretty sure if I was single, I would have been able to do more Zoom/virtual gatherings.
Here are some of the way I socialize online:
1. Super large happy hours - perfect for introverts because some people will keep the conversation going and you can chillax.
2. Drink with just one or two people on Zoom - works with close friends only but you can have meaningful conversations.
3. Watch movie/show while on Zoom/phone. Works great if you and your friends like to make comments during movies.
4. Video games - online or single player. You don't have to play same game, fun to have a conversation while playing games. Use bluetooth headsets.
5. BBQ. I even done pool party last summer. Not everyone had access to pool but they could still join us.
6. Join random meetup on Zoom around the world and learn something new. Invite your friends to join you.
7. Zoom workout challenges, though not fun for me. We do push ups and squats.
And to get started, just sch. a fb event and invite a few friends. It is awkward initially but many people will thank you for organizing it, and then it gets easier.
I am doing some part-time consulting, dev work only. Would love to network with other part-time consultants. DevOps is my weak spot and would love to send that work to someone who is better at it than me. Maybe, we need a forum targeted towards part-timers.
As an introvert, I really enjoyed it. I do love bars and miss going there but not a big deal. We had tons of happy hours on Zoom. Yes Zoom is not perfect replacement for in-person socializing but it is not that bad.
On other hand, my wife really didn't like socializing on Zoom. So she didn't socialize as much. Also she really misses in-person gatherings. And my biggest issue been trying to cheer her up.
Worked at grocery stores and gas stations. A lot of people stopped just to use the restroom.
We also had homeless people use restrooms to bathe, and drug addicts use the bathroom as a place to quickly take a hit. Also had people defecate on the floor, write messages on the wall with feces, etc. Because of this, multiple places I worked didn't provide restroom access to the public. It sucks for people who simply and respectfully use the restroom. But at the same time (in one specific location at least), it was a matter of having to clean up fecal matter or drug paraphernalia or not letting the public use the restroom. My sub-living-wage job simply didn't pay me enough to put up with that crap.
That being said, if you let 'customers' use your restroom, you should let gig workers do the same. They aren't your direct customer, but show them a modicum of respect and dignity.
This is one of those things in Europe that in my anecdotal experience works better: pay toilets. For some reason all the bathrooms I had to pay for in England, Germany and Belgium were clean. The larger ones at Christmas Markets even had bathroom attendants, so any problems or cleanup were immediately addeseed.
It's unfortunately the base level of civility has fallen to the point where you can't just walk in most public places and use a restroom any more. Definitely one of those cases of a few people ruining it for everyone else.
If someone proposed pay toilets in my town vocal citizens who have never done a thing for the homeless except express “compassion” from afar would be up in arms because of how unfair that would be to the homeless; as if the presence of pay toilets would somehow be more unfair to the homeless who are already various levels of creative in dealing with the problem. So the status quo remains because we haven’t solved homelessness.
Yeah it's called slactivism - if you can send thoughts and prayers and do a little social media virtue signaling well job done and you didn't have to leave the house.
The local Safeway near me has one of the most repulsive bathrooms for this reason. There's no reason that you can't respectfully clean up your mess if you've made one.
For a long time this sort of worked for both sides as the bathroom foot traffic would often buy some small item in the store and most items sold at gas stations have a hefty markup. Buying a Coke for $3 might net as much profit for the gas station as buying $30 of gas. Besides, the gas station can never tell if you're going to buy gas and just want to pee first.
Since the pandemic, a lot of gas stations summarily closed their bathrooms - even to customers. It sucks.
In all the long-distance traveling my wife and I have done over the past twenty years here in the US, we quickly got into the habit of locating every McDonalds and Starbucks anywhere close to the route we would be taking. They have traditionally had the best quality bathrooms, and we didn’t mind buying some food or drink while we were there.
The problem came when Starbucks started opening “stores” inside of Target. Those were really hard to detect in the app, and Target bathrooms are not nearly so nice.
This describes me, sort of. I feel more and more lack of control over my personal life. My parents have become demanding and mean as they have gotten old. My wife wants to get a bigger home while I don't think we can afford it. But I am too tired of arguing, so just giving in and going to get whatever she wants. My son loves and I love him more than anything, but when I am not working, he wants to do everything with me. Which is great but also very tiring. Simple tasks become super long.
So I was spending longer hours in the office and now longer hours doing work from home. Also I am starting different business ventures that take me out of home. Those are the only things where I feel like I have some control. I can push back against my boss a lot easier than against my parents or wife.
FWIW I found couple therapy very helpful. Especially around the feeling of lack of control in the relationship and not being able to fulfill my needs or being able to ask for them.
It really helps to have someone independent who has both parties' interests in mind and who can a) see what is healthy in the relationship and what isn't, b) help with talking about invidivual needs, c) bridge the gap between the two people in the relationship.
Couple therapy is often portrayed as a weird thing for broken people in movies and shows. In reality it can be really empowering and rewarding for everyone involved even when it is not about impending doom. But, it requires being honest with yourself or being willing to learn to be honest with yourself. That shit is hard. As in seriously hard.
You can Google around, generally there are good review sites out there (no one specifically is better than the other). I can give you a recommend for Seattle if your looking for it.
Check with your employer and see if they have EAP. Use free EAP sessions to interview enough therapists until you find one that clicks with you. I just started this journey. I was looking for an older and experienced therapist but found one who is doing Phd which might mean more evidence-based therapy. And more motivation to do good. But who knows.
I have participated in same behavior but in the tech industry. I joined my managers at strip clubs for lunches, I introduced fresh grads and H1Bs to endless buffets at strip clubs. Happy hour were pretty much required work activity everyday.
But I never thought it was bad, I mean strip clubs are sleazy, but I always considered happy hours to be part of team bonding. The best teams, I have worked in, also drank heavily.
Not sure if it is age or if it is because I don't go to happy hours that much anymore but I also don't have a strong bond for my team.
But I sort of feel bad for all those reluctant H1Bs who I introduced to strip clubs. I wonder if they really enjoyed hanging out with us or if they were pretending.